Things I Would Ask My Dryer

What exactly is more dry? Is that better or worse than optimum dry?

Is it even possible to win the jackpot on the candy crush booster wheel??

I have questions.

[There is a] general principle of internet language these days that the more overwhelmed with emotions you are, the less sensical your sentence structure gets, which I’ve described elsewhere as “stylized verbal incoherence mirroring emotional incoherence” and which leads us to expressions like “feels,” “I can’t even/I’ve lost the ability to can,” and “because reasons.”

Contrast this with first-generation internet language, demonstrated by LOLcat or 1337speak, and in general characterized by abbreviations containing numbers and single letters, often in caps (C U L8R), smilies containing noses, and words containing deliberate misspellings.

We’ve now moved on: broadly speaking, second-generation internet language plays with grammar instead of spelling. If you’re a doomsayer, the innovative syntax is one more thing to throw up your hands about, but compared to a decade or two ago, the spelling has gotten shockingly conventional.

In this sense, doge really is the next generation of LOLcat, in terms of a pet-based snapshot of a certain era in internet language. We’ve kept the idea that animals speak like an exaggerated version of an internet-savvy human, but as our definitions of what it means to be a human on the internet have changed, so too have the voices that we give our animals. Wow.

A Linguist Explains the Grammar of Doge. Wow.

This is my favourite part, if I do say so myself. See also the summary doge macro.

(via allthingslinguistic)

(via alazynay)

ingroan:

i need to get a real job so i can stop crying over expensive lingerie and start crying in expensive lingerie

(via theshortestgirlonearth)

I stopped telling myself that I’m lost.

I’m not.

I’m on a road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way.

Ahunnaya 

(via thatkindofwoman)

(Source: emmawilleatstars, via thatkindofwoman)

cousinnick:

latenightalaska:

davereziplease:

dietchola:

JESUS CHRIST

“I’m a horrible father”

THE BEST PART IS THE GIRL IN THE MIDDLE JUST SO DONE

AND THE FACT THAT THIS FAMILY IS MORE MULTI CULTURAL THAN A PUBLIC SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS TEXTBOOK

The girl in the middle is just like “Damn it, Dad.”

it’s too perfect 

(Source: youtube.com, via mdcheth)